­­Waking Up

1

I woke up.

Is she leaving?

My eyes opened weakly, a faint glow.

“…Rina?”

A pale white ceiling.

I shivered as I listened to my weak voice dampened by the cold.

A warm tear rapidly turned into ice on my cheek.

“No, n-now’s not-“

Her smile…

A cold drop on my face. I shook myself from my thoughts.

“Now’s not. The time,” I told myself, teeth clattering “Come… on.” I stood back up, wiping the tears off of my face with my numb hands and pulling the worn, tattered robe around me.

She can’t be.

I had to check. I crept towards the entrance of the cave, muscles aching. Outside, the blistering wind. The landscape completely faded white and snow billowed up from the ground like a raging sea. At the entrance, wind rippled through my hair and sprayed me with snow.

She’s gone.

I stepped back. It can’t be! But it had to be. How could I find her in the storm outside? I sobbed quietly, into the marginally welcoming comfort of the cave.

I’m alone.

As the pain subsided, I noticed light filtering through an ice covered hole in the ceiling of the large, dome-like cave. Patches of the brown, warm walls were brushed away where some faded writing hid behind the dirt. I looked closer, but I didn’t understand. The writings were comforting, though; it was nice to know that someone had been here before. I touched one of the rough glyphs lightly, feeling the cracks in it, wishing for a connection that would remind me that I’m not alone.

“Hello.”

I gasped, surprised. I whipped my head to the left, towards the voice.

“Who is it?”

Shrouded in shadow, in the dark side of the room, he cocked his head to the side playfully.

I looked around the room; I didn’t notice his presence at all. When did he get in?

“What do you mean?”

“What’s your name?”

A smile crept across his face.

“Oh!” Surprised I asked, unabashed by my demand. He stepped out of the shadows wearing a simple brown fur suit and a brown messenger bag.

“I’m… Fenrir.” He said courtly, placing a hand on his soft fur coat, bowing slightly, and tilting his head a little to the side as a greeting. He didn’t seem to have a speck of snow on him, and I immediately doubted his existence.

“Fenrir,” I glanced at the entrance behind me. “When did you get in here?”

He smiled, ignoring me.

“What’s your name?” He had a husky, deep voice.

“I… what?”

“Your name?”

“It’s…”

I paused, bit my lip. Anguish blanketed my thoughts. Why couldn’t I remember? What was I even doing here?

He smiled again, his phantom eyes widening, gnawing on my confusion, eating away at any memories I could remember.

“Well?” He asked, quietly.

When I looked back up, he was gone. I swept the room with my eyes again. The scrawled glyphs were still there, the warm light streamed through, and there were no footsteps in the dusty floor.

But… it was quiet.

The snowstorm outside had stopped. The sound of my footsteps turned into a soft crunch as I ran through the snow, the ice’s sharp coldness poking my feet, prickling my skin and bones as its icy needles made its way up my ankles. My breath turned into a fine mist as I panted heavily, unused to the exercise.

I didn’t see his footsteps anywhere. What was I hoping for, anyway? It was likely that I imagined him. But, he seemed to know more than me. Looking back from where I stood, the cave had a nondescript, unnoticeable appearance. What was I doing in there? I pondered the question for a while before realizing, again, that I couldn’t remember. Maybe he knows.

My stomach painfully reminded me with a grumble of how hungry I was. Looking around again, I could see nothing but a faded white skyline just like before. Helplessness ate away at my heart. How could I get something to eat if I didn’t know where to go?

But as I decided to walk, it was evident that somehow, my feet remembered.

Sure enough, I soon found a tree. It was a familiar tree, its shape recognizable by a crooked trunk despite its green leaves draped and disguised in heavy snow. I think the tree has always been green. Perhaps it was an evergreen. It was a lone tree though, surrounded by a white field, standing solitary against the elements. I reached up and plucked a fruit.

Not expecting it to dislodge so quickly, I screamed, surprised, as fresh snow promptly slid off of the leaves and battered me in flurries. Shivering, I brushed off of my body and robe. My chest felt numb and cold to the core. I needed to find warm clothing; just having a robe wouldn’t be enough. But first, I felt that I couldn’t go on if I didn’t get anything to eat in my mouth. Near the base of the tree, I shakily sat down on a patch of grass and dirt, finding it warm and comforting, unlike the sharp, icy snow, and relaxed. The fruit tasted of sweet flavors that spread quickly through my mouth. It was crunchy, but the center of the fruit was thick and creamy. Stomach appeased but still growling, I stood up to get more. Then, a shadow caught my attention.

It was the shadow of a small house. I didn’t remember a house being close to this tree. I squinted through the fog. Was there really a house there before? I stood in disbelief for a moment as the fog slowly lifted.

The cottage looked familiar.

I ran down towards the house, as excitement bubbled through my limbs. It looked exactly as I thought it would. The door was a dark, deep brown, with a worn out doorknob. The windows were made up of a diagonal pattern of square glass and the pile of logs, as usual, was neatly piled under the windows, near the door. This place must have been important; how else could I have remembered all of it? But yet, I could remember nothing else. Was it Rina’s house?

Tentatively, I reached for the doorknob. The door swung open without much effort and revealed a clean, albeit dusty, room. The dinner table, the stove, everything! Everything was still there. I felt the warm, welcoming air waft through the entrance. Wiping my feet at the mat and closing the door behind me, I let myself in. The place, despite having no fire burning at the hearth, had an inviting, warm atmosphere. Familiar.

I started rummaging through some of the rooms for clothes. There were several rooms in a hallway behind the main living room and dining area in the front of the house as I had expected. The first two rooms were bedrooms, but the clothes in the wardrobes didn’t fit me as they were either too small or too big. One room, strangely, was completely bare and empty. Luckily, the last room, which looked like the master bedroom, had clothes that fit. I picked up a pair of trousers and a shirt that was slightly too big, but still better than the giant shirt that I had found in the other room. There was also a pair of worn out shoes near the bed. As I slipped the clothes on, I felt the heat collecting between the cloth and my skin. I sighed and relaxed.

I sat down on the bed, thinking to myself. While I did feel a little bad about stealing the clothes, it felt good to have clothes again. Besides, it seemed like no one had lived here for a while. But whose place was this really? Was it mine? If it was, I should have been able to find clothes more easily. More importantly, I should have had a room.

Creeeaaaaaak…

I gasped as I recognized the sound of the main door opening and hurried out of the master bedroom. Did someone come back to the cottage? I peeked out of the hallway into main area...

It was Fenrir. I panicked, but then remembered that I didn’t know who he was or if he even existed. The fact that he was here probably meant he knew something about the house. I hid myself back behind in the hallway, thinking frantically. What should I do? It probably isn’t a good idea to confront him now, but I didn’t see a back entrance.

Suddenly, Fenrir entered the hallway, his yellow slitted eyes swiftly detecting my presence.

“I thought I smelled someone, what are you doing here?”

I stuttered, surprised by his sudden appearance, barely able to produce a response.

“I- I… I was cold, so I took some…” I opened my robe, revealing the stolen trousers, shirt, and shoes that I was now wearing. “…clothes.” Embarrassed, I hoped he wouldn’t get angry at me. Did he live here?

He frowned a little.

“So that’s why you smelled a little different.”

“What?” He knew that I smelled like?

“Well, I mean-”

“How do you know what I smell like?” I interrupted.

“Well, I’ve been following you for about…” He trailed off, counting something on his fingers.

“You’ve been watching me this whole time?”

“Well,” He said unabashed, “…yes.” He shrugged nonchalantly. He seemed to be friendlier than before, although he acted more apathetic. His eyes darted around the room, nervously, avoiding eye contact.

“What was I doing before I was in the cave?”

He pondered for a moment, looking up at the ceiling.

“Hmm… You know, I don’t know why you’re asking me that.”

“Why not?”

He looked at me again with his wolfish grin.

“Did you really forget everything?”

My blank expression while I tried to remember gave him the proof he needed.

“Hahah! That’s great!” He cried. “Great!” He clapped his hands together. “So, you don’t remember anything at all?”

He looked at me with some sort of child’s curiosity aflame in his eyes. His grin was so infectious that I almost smiled, too, at my own situation despite my bewilderment at what was going on.

“Well, I do remember this cottage and that tree nearby outside. And I remember that cave too…” I wasn’t sure why I was telling him all of this, but it felt like I could trust him to at least give me a clue as to what was going on in return.

“Yea, that’s expected.” He said, a little excitedly.

“…and I remember someone named Rina.”

“Oh.” He frowned, now completely upset. He muttered something under his breath as he scratched his head.

“What?”

“Oh, nothing. Don’t worry about it.” He avoided making eye contact again and before I could say anything back he continued. “Look, you need to get out of here. The thing you were doing before you were in the cave? Yeah, they aren’t so happy about it.”

“They?”

“Right, I forgot you don’t remember anything.” He snapped his fingers impatiently and looked quickly around the room, pacing a little bit, analyzing the situation. “There’s no time to explain, let’s get out of here.” Hurriedly, he rushed back outside.

2

“So, did you live there?” I yelled as I ran after him.

“Well…” He said, thinking carefully, yet walking briskly. “Yes, sort of.”

“What do you mean,” Pausing to catch my breath, “sort of?”

“It’s complicated. You used to live there too.” He looked over at me again, looking at the clothes I was wearing. “Say, I don’t think I’ve ever seen you wear trousers before.”

“Well, I couldn’t find anything else that fit me. What do I usually wear?”

Silence.

“If I lived there, why couldn’t I find any clothes that fit me?”

“You said it yourself; you used to. You don’t anymore.”

“Do you live there anymore?”

“No.”

“Then why did you say you live there?”

“I, uh… It’s complicated.” He looked behind us, and started walking a bit slower. “Ok, that’s better”

“What is?” He squinted into the distance before replying.

“I don’t think they are following us anymore. We need to keep walking though, they might change their minds and it’s not safe out here.”

“What was I doing to make them so mad?”

“You are so full of questions.” He grumbled.

I looked at him incredulously.

“Anyway,” He shied away from my expression and started walking again, “Let’s keep moving.”

I sighed. I wish he would tell me more than that. I still didn’t really trust him but now he had my interest piqued. I followed him up the road, which winded through a snowy hillside. As we walked, the sun inched closer to the horizon and before long I became hungry again.

“Oh.” Fenrir looked back at me. “We should probably eat.” He reached into his pack and pulled out a sandwich.

“Here.”

“Thanks…” I blushed, a little embarrassed that he heard my stomach. Gesturing that we should sit on the rocks nearby, he pulled out a sandwich for himself and sat down. It was a simple sandwich, a thin slice of cheese and meat with leaves of some plant I didn’t recognize. The bread squished under my teeth as I took a bite.

“I guess you are real.”

He looked at me confused, but averted his gaze when I looked back at him.

“Can I ask you more questions?”

Fenrir gave me an appalling gaze.

“I don’t really like answering your questions.”

“Where are we going?”

“Ah.” He smiled, glad I wasn’t asking any more questions about myself and looked off in the distance. “We’re going to a friend’s place. You know her.”

“Rina?”

He was silent for a moment before replying.

“No, you used to know her.”

“Used to?”

“You guys got in a fight once… Oh, don’t worry; she is forgiving.”

“Why won’t you tell me anything about myself?”

He frowned.

“You know my name, right?”

“Yeah…” He shifted around uncomfortably. “But it’s not your name anymore I suppose.”

“Why not?”

“Well, you’re not the same anymore. You aren’t… you.”

“But I’m still me!” I insisted. I couldn’t remember anything, but I still felt the same.

He seemed a little taken aback.

“Ok! I’m sorry.” He said timidly, “Jan can answer your questions better than I can. We’ll see her soon, so stop crying, ok?”

I reached at my eyes and only then noticed the tears on my face.

“I…” Why was I so emotional? “…ok.”

He smiled slightly and then held out his hand.

The first thing I noticed was how warm his hand was. There was no mistaking it; he really was real, unless I was dreaming. His grip was firm and steady, his fingers rough. He had a listless expression and his pale yellow eyes seemed to waver.

He pulled me up, releasing his grip.

“Alright,” He sighed, tired. “Let’s go.”

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah… Yeah, I’m fine.”

He seemed to walk slower, but he wouldn’t stop to catch his breath. The rolling, snowy hills turned flat and grassy as we walked, slower and slower. When the sun slipped beneath the horizon, we were at a small wooden house in the middle of a grassy plain that seemed to stretch on forever.

Fenrir clasped his fingers together and knocked slowly on the door, sweat dripping down his face.

Thump. Thump.

Waiting was unsettling. It was completely quiet, only the silent sound of wind, weaving through the blades of grass, to fill the absence of activity.

The door creaked open slightly and through the crack a startlingly blue eye looked at both of us.

“Fenrir?” Her eye darted to me. “Oh my goodness. Come, you must be tired.”

She opened the door and took Fenrir’s pack.

“Thank you, Jan.” He said, out of breath.

“You should go to sleep.” She said, worrily. “It is late for you.”

She put Fenrir to bed and turned around to face me. She seemed happy that I was here, but her smile hinted at sadness.

“Well, looks like you’re back here, again. You should be thankful, you know. You wouldn’t be the same without him.”

“Really?” Jan silently nodded as she stirred the pot over the hearth. I looked back at Fenrir, sleeping peacefully on the bed. He fell asleep quickly.

“How come he knows so much about me?”

“You both grew up together.”

“That creepy guy?”

She smiled again, taking the ladle over to the soup and scooping some soup into a wooden bowl and placing the bowl in front of me – I could smell the faint fumes of fresh pepper and sweet tomato.

“He was born the same time you were.”

“Were we friends?

“One could say that you were both very close.”

“Oh…” I took a sip out of the creamy soup, its warm texture flowing down my throat. It was then that I realized I was incredibly tired. But I couldn’t sleep now! I had to get more answers from her.

I looked back at her eyes, which filled with sadness.

“…I’m sorry Jan, whatever it was that I did to you.”

“Oh, please. Don’t worry about it.” She said, leaning back in her chair, “What’s past has past. That’s not what I’m worried about. It just troubles me that you come back here again and again… with no memory.”

“I’ve done this before?”

“Yes. And I always serve you that soup. I’ve lost count of how many times though. I used to keep track, but after so many times of the same, you eventually realize the futility of counting.”

The weight of her statement slowly sunk in as I looked around the room. The wooden walls lined with various satchels and furs, the stout bed with a chest at the foot of the bed, the hearth with the large posts resting on metal grills. None of it looked familiar. I looked back at Jan.

Jan opened her mouth in response.

“I know. None of it is familiar, but that’s how it is. I know you have questions.”

I looked at her. She seemed prepared. Ready, but at the same time absent. Like she already knew what I would ask.

“Who is Rina?” Her figure seemed to become blurred as I fought to stay awake.

“She’s my little sister. You were good friends with her, you two were very close.”

“Where is she now?”

Her glassy eyes looked at me for a while, and then looked off to the side.

“She’s dead.”

It was silent as she waited for my reply, but my mouth struggled, unwilling to be cooperative. I couldn’t find the words to say.

She’s dead.

Something seemed to be tugging at my grasp.

Something comforting.

I felt myself whisked into bed. Faintly, a whisper.

“Get some sleep. I can answer more of your questions tomorrow.”

0

“Rina!” I stumbled down the dirt path, trying to catch up. “Hold on!”

She looked back and smiled, chuckling.

“What?” I frowned, a little annoyed that she was laughing at me.

“Oh, nothing.”

I looked back behind me at the green, crooked tree surrounded by a grassy field. It was warm; summertime. Silently, I felt her fingers intertwine with mine.

“Come on,” She complained, “You’re so slow!”

“Where are we going?”

“It’s a surprise!” She looked at my nonchalant face and pouted. ”I thought you liked surprises…”

“I… maybe. What is it?”

She just smiled and tightened her grip slightly, looking back at the path ahead.

I frowned momentarily at her response, but I couldn’t help but smile; being around her infectious personality always made me feel better. We walked down the path in relative silence, taking in the beauty of the day in together, listening to the chirping of the birds and watching the delicate fluttering of the butterflies.

My sweet Rina.

I was still worried that when we got back that Jan, her sister, would be mad at her for being with me again. She hated the sight of both of us together. I never knew why she hated me exactly, but the fact that we were often together made her loathe me more.

Rina tilted her head to the side, momentarily also worried, as I looked back at her, curious why I had that expression on my face.

Despite Jan’s constant criticisms and reprimanding when I was not with her, Rina seemed to be perfectly happy with me. And I… I loved her. We know and depend on each other too much. I couldn’t imagine a life without her. I had no other friends.

I squeezed her hand, smiling back. She seemed content with my new expression and smiled, bringing solace back to my thoughts.

Soon, Rina and I arrived at the mouth of a brown, dirt-caked cave. I looked at her face and back to the dark mouth of the cave. My mind was swept away with ghastly stories that filled my thoughts as I remembered the tales told back home.

She looked at me, pleading.

“It will be fine. Trust me.”

“…Alright.”

I felt my grip tighten. Even with how well I knew her, how long I spent with her, it was barely enough to trust her. The stories were too demonic.

It’s a surprise, I told myself.

We walked inside, momentarily swallowed by darkness. Our footsteps faded into edges of the cave, silently, without echo. Then, light.

Light filtered through an ice covered hole in the ceiling of the large, dome-like cave. Patches of the brown, warm walls were brushed away revealing faded writing hid behind the dirt. I looked closer. I couldn’t read it, but I recognized what it was. It the language of the Styxians.

As I realized what was going on, the letters glowed and I looked at her in disbelief.

“Rina.”

She looked remorseful.

“Why? Why would you make a deal with them?”

“Please understand.” She cried. “This is the only way.”

“The only way?” I said exasperatingly. “Don’t you know what the Styxians do? You can’t depend on them to give us what we want.”

“But… this is the only way we can be sure that we will be together. Forever.” She hugged me closely. “They know how to bring people over to the other side.”

I saw the edges of the cave grow dark with shadows again, whispering trails of voices seeping out.

“Rina, why didn’t we talk about this?”

She stood there silently, biting her lip.

“Don’t you trust me? I love you. I trust you.”

“…I knew you wouldn’t like the idea.”

“Of course I don’t want to die.”

“Don’t you want us to be together?”

“But…” I held her by the shoulders. “…We can still spend time here. Where we can be sure we are together.”

“But that compared to an eternity?”

I stood there silently. She didn’t understand.

“Trust me. It will be fine.”

“I don’t trust them. They won’t bring us both, together.”

“They will.” She said, timidly. “I made sure of it.”

I looked at her incredulously, as the shadows grew. There was no way she could have convinced the Styxians.

“What did you trade?”

She looked up to me, sad, unsure if she should respond. I could feel the weight of her unspoken words on her lips. She knew I wouldn’t be happy. But I needed to know.

“Rina.”

She bit her lip and looked back up at me, sadly.

“Please.”

“…Memories.”

“What?”

She took in a deep breath.

“I traded our memories.”

“Why would you do that?” I gritted my teeth, seeing already the trick the Styxians played. “Do you want to be strangers on the other side?”

“I believe in our connection to each other.” She gripped my hands. “We will love each other again. I’m sure.”

I looked at her, upset. Why did she think that was acceptable?

“You don’t think we have a connection?”

“No, that’s not it. You don’t understand.” I muttered. “Deals with the Styxians never work out. How do you know we won’t hate each other? They could turn us against each other. What can we do if we don’t remember anything? We can’t trust them. We need to get out of here.”

Rina shouted my name as I broke away to look around at the runes littering the walls. Her tears and the shadows were starting to spill over the floor, quietly whispering around my feet.

“You can’t!”

The glyphs were blocking the exit. I punched one, cracking it, but it continued to glow.

“It’s too late.”

I ignored her and continued to punch at it. It wasn’t long before my hand dripped red into the growing blackness. Though cracked, the glyph continued to glow. I felt my heart plummet. I wouldn’t be able to destroy all of the runes in time, but I didn’t want to accept our fate. I felt myself give up for the first time. There was no way.

There was no way.

I fell to my knees, crying. She knelt down beside me, consoling me.

I felt the cold, misty shadows reach my chest.

“Please?” She begged. “It will be fine.”

“But… I don’t want to forget about you.” I sobbed in place, leaning against her.

She hugged me.

“We will be together. We can make new memories.”

Out of the shadows rose a silhouette of a person clothed in a robe. A Styxian. In its hands, a black scythe. I hugged her tighter.

“It will be fine.” She whispered.

In the corner of my eye, it calmly raised its tool.

“It will be fine.”

I closed my eyes.

It will not be fine.

3

It was silent, black.

I opened my eyes slowly, looking at the peaceful sunlight streaming through the window above the bed. It was deathly quiet. I stirred and looked around. Soon I remembered the dream and where I was. Jan was soundly sleeping in her chair, next to the hearth.

I got out of bed, and took a good look around. The wooden walls, lined with various satchels and furs, enclosed the only room in the cottage. The kitchen sat on the opposite side of the room, where there was a hearth and a low counter laden with food that lay next to it. On this side of the room there were many chests and a bed. There was only one bed in the room. I must have been sleeping next to Fenrir.

Where is Fenrir? I thought to myself. I walked over to the door and tried to open it quietly, but the door creaked open and I heard her stir. I turned around to face Jan, who suddenly seemed to be wide awake.

“You… you are looking for Fenrir, aren’t you?”

I nodded, meekly.

“Well, that’s new. He isn’t outside.”

“New?”

“The second day you are here, something different usually happens… but it usually happens later in the day.”

I walked back in and closed the door behind me, curious.

“What’s happened the other times?”

“Well, usually you talk about how much you want to see Rina again, but Fenrir always gets the better of you. He convinces you to run away from them.”

“Where is he, then?” I looked around the room, again, thinking that I could easily escape him if I left now.

She walked toward me and pressed her index finger on my chest.

“Here."

“What? You can’t mean-“

“Yes. Fenrir is part of you. Not physically, but mentally part of you. His form manifests through your will.“

She looked at me motionlessly and then posited another question.

“You want to see Rina again?”

I nodded, thinking of the pleasant memories of spending time with her that I just regained. But quickly, a broiling confusion consumed me as I remembered the deal she made with the Styxians.

She smiled half-heartedly. Behind her, Fenrir.

I took a step backwards in shock, not because of his sudden appearance, but because of his malevolent frown. He gritted his sharp teeth and his eyebrows furrowed sharply.

“Fenrir?”

“Why would you trust her?” He snarled. “Don’t you understand? She doesn’t love you!”

Wasn’t Fenrir me? Why was he so angry? I so desperately wanted to see Rina again.

“Understand what? She did that out of love!”

“But she failed! She doesn’t understand what she’s done. She was so foolish. You can’t be yourself without your memories. Do you know how different you are now with only just a portion of your memories gone?”

I shifted uncomfortably. I didn’t know.

“You make me sick.” He spat. “The me I remember would at least stand up for myself. The only reason you love her is because of your memories.”

I instinctively wanted to reject his words, but his argument wormed itself into my ears. I reconsidered the implications. Was he right? Would I love Rina if I didn’t have any memories?

“That’s enough, Fenrir.” Jan said sternly.

“I just...” He mumbled, defused, and sat back down on the bed. “…I want to forget about her, but I can’t.”

“Why don’t you?” I asked.

“Because if I forget about her, I won’t exist.”

Silence. I realized then the truth of Fenrir’s statement. He acted differently from me because he remembered so many more memories than I did.

“So you have two options.” Jan said, matter-of-factly. “If you give yourself up to them, you can see Rina again. But you won’t remember who she is, why she’s important to you, and when you meet her she won’t remember who you are either. Or… well, you can keep running away from them. It’s not a very attractive option, but you have always picked it in the past.”

She turned around and reached for Fenrir’s pack that she had put on the wall.

“Here.” She handed it to me, as Fenrir was no longer in the room. “Inside the pack is something you’ll need if you want to pass to the other side. You should leave. I don’t want to see them again unless I have to.”

“Thanks… Why are you helping me?”

“…I was wrong for preventing you two from loving each other.” She sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “I used to be angry at you, but I learned after both of you passed. I can’t leave until I know you have been reunited with Rina.”

She led me back to the door.

“Well, I’ll know if you’ve decided to run away if you show up again tomorrow.”

“Jan? Thanks.”

“Don’t worry about it.” She smiled, closed the door, and before I knew it, the cottage disappeared.

I was alone in the grassy plains again.

“Fenrir?” He was sitting down in the long grass nearby. “If you don’t want me to remember Rina, why did you bring me here?”

“Because I wanted to remember.” He buried his face in his arms. “I wanted to remember more of her again.”

As he cried, I could feel tears rolling down my cheeks.

“I’m going to go see her again. Are you going to stop me?”

“It won’t be you who will get to see her. Neither of us will ever see her again. I…” He looked back at me, though sad, with malevolent eyes. “I can’t do this anymore. I don’t want to feel this anymore.”

I felt the cold wind blow and felt the Styxians approach. Again, a tall, imposing shadow.

“Are you ready?” It asked. It outstretched its hand. “Give the payment.”

Remembering the bag Jan gave to me, I reached inside and pulled out a coin. I clasped it firmly in my hand. Was I sure? Was I ready to move on?

I need to move on.

But my hand wouldn’t open.

“Give it the payment.” Fenrir said. “What are you waiting for?”

The being hovered silently, waiting, darkness slowly whipping around its presence.

“Why did I fall in love with Rina?” I wanted to know more.

“…We had no friends. We were alone. She was the only one who seemed to care.”

“The payment.” The figure demanded.

“Pay it.” Fenrir said. “I don’t want to exist anymore.”

“But I want to.”

“Believe me, you don’t want to remember more. Do you want to be reminded again and again how much you want to see her and know that you can never see her again?”

I felt my heart sink as I thought about it.

No matter what, I can’t ever see her again.

The thought of never again feeling her warm, happy presence tore through my chest painfully, sending shockwaves of pain to the tips of my toes and my fingers, around the coin that kept me here, and settled acridly in my gut.

He was right.

Not existing was better than that.

My hands opened.

It raised its tool.

4

I woke up.

My eyes opened weakly, a faint glow.

A pale white ceiling.

I shivered as stood up, pulling the worn, tattered robe around me.

Where am I?

Above me, light filtered through an ice covered hole in the ceiling of the large, dome-like cave. Patches of the brown, warm walls were brushed revealing faded writing, hidden behind the dirt. I touched one of the rough glyphs lightly, feeling the cracks in it.

What is this?

Nearby, I heard something stir.

I turned my head, towards the sound.

A girl.

I watched as she sat up, rubbing her eyes, looking around the cave.

Her eyes met mine.

“Who are you?”